John looked up from beneath the car and said: “Christ, Rog, did you do this intentionally?”
“What makes you say that?” Roger asked.
John shook his head and ducked back under. “Because there’s a lotta fuckin’ damage here,” he replied, his voice slightly muffled by the vehicle that covered him. “And it’s not like you’re an idiot, mate. So when I see summat that’s this level of fucked – well, I’ve gotta ask.”
Roger sighed softly. “It was a bit stupid of me.”
“You can say that again.”
Roger did a circuit of the jacked-up car, looking at the flat tires and the scratched-up bumpers. It didn’t look good from this angle. “Prognosis?”
John cleared his throat. “Back bumper’s hanging by a thread. You’ve put a hole in the exhaust and that’s barely hanging, and you’ve somehow fucked three of the tires so they’re flat. And then you drove home on the things, so the rims are fucked along with the tires.”
“Can you fix it?”
John scoffed. “This is a garage job, mate. I don’t have the tools or the time to fix it. Frankly I feel under-qualified just looking at it. And I’m only doing it as a favour to you.”
“Fair enough,” Roger said, as he did a second circuit of the car. “I went over one of those low roundabouts. Not low enough, I guess.”
“Don’t sound like you.”
“I was thinking about other stuff.”
“Such as.”
“Trouble at home.”
John paused momentarily. “Still bad?”
“It’s got worse.”
John poked his head out from under the car again. “Worse?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit,” he said, looking uncomfortable. “Is there owt I can do?”
“No more than you’ve done already.”
“Huh?”
“Can you fix marriages and cars?”
John went back beneath the vehicle. “Marriages? You’re having a laugh, arent you? If you wanna talk about summat that’s unfixable, mate – you might wanna have a peek at my shitstorm of a marriage sometime.”
Roger paused. “At least your Missus isn’t having an affair.”
“An affair? Shit, mate. A… Are… are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He crouched and looked at the top of his friend’s head. “That’s why I pranged the car.”
John tilted his neck to get a better view of Roger. “Shit, mate. Sorry,” he said. “I guess summat like that would make anybody lose control.”
“I didn’t lose control.”
“But, you said…”
“I said it was a bit stupid of me.”
John looked at something directly above him and tinkered with it. “Expensive way of venting steam,” he said.
“I wasn’t venting steam.”
John angled his head back at Roger. “So you’ve inflicted all this damage for no reason?”
“No. I had a reason.”
John pulled at a piece of metal and threw it to one side. “Which was?”
Roger took a mobile phone from his pocket and prodded the screen. “I wanted you to look at the car.”
John thought about that. “I don’t understand.”
He got on his knees and crept forward. “This should explain it.”
His friend reached out from beneath the vehicle and Roger put the phone in his outstretched hand. He stood up and brushed the knees of his jeans.
The man looked at the text and tried to speak. But he could only stutter.
“Actually, I wanted you beneath it.”
Now John found his voice. He let out a rapid stream of incomprehensible words. Then he hooked both hands around the base of the vehicle in a frantic attempt to pull himself free.
Roger kicked the jack away. The car seemed to hang in the air. For a split-second, he worried that it wasn’t going to fall at all, and that, somehow, gravity didn’t operate normally in his friend’s workshop. John continued wriggling and screaming for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the vehicle slammed into the ground. There was a final brief squeal of pain as the life was crushed from him. Two unmoving hands poked out from beneath the hatchback. The mobile lay on its back next to Roger’s right thumb. The message on the screen read: I wanna fuck you tonight, babe. Good and hard. Like you like it. Annie’s gone to see her Mum. Make an excuse for Roger. Bring the lingerie I like. John. Xxx
Roger squatted on his haunches for a view of the corpse. He saw a strip of bloodied hair in the light, but the rest was in shadow. It was good enough.
He smiled, stood and left the garage. He closed the door behind him.